all about why?, rambles, randomness, shine on

Theory of innocence

­When I was a little girl I had my own theories about the world as I knew it. One thing I was firm about, we lived on the inside of the earth as geography called it, the mantle. Someone had already told me that the earth was round so strike out the option of it being a planar surface. So, the only other conclusion was that the earth was made of concentric spheres. There was a core, the land we lived on and the blue sky with empty space between the land and the space, the universe where everything flew.
The sky was of two hemispheres – one with holes- the stars and the other with a huge round lamp that changed its colour from orange – yellow to white, widely known as the Sun. The sky rotated about an axis as my geography teacher told me but the land stayed still. If the land rotated, I’d have known right! It did move once a while and we named it earthquake! Outside the world was bright white light – whose source I didn’t really give much of a thought about.
The night side of the sky had holes of multiple sizes one big hole that had some dirt on it; I guess God hadn’t had time to clean the glass. And numerous other small holes that kept twinkling.
I also believed that the airplanes could fly through the little holes at night and go to the other countries or may be visit the God but not the birds ‘cause they were pretty huge for the size of the holes… Aliens with green skin and huge poppy eyes lived there in those other countries outside! I’ve spend so many hours wondering how small would those people in the airplanes be, were they smaller than the people on TV or the ones that hid inside my radio? I thought maybe, just maybe the sky was made of glass, tinted blue –dark and light.
Sometimes the sphere leaked or cracked causing thunderstorms. My grandmother tried convincing me that it was the Gods taking a shower or bursting firecrackers. I used to laugh at how naïve she sounded; I mean come on, how stupid is that!
The other theory was that the stars were little lights that hung from the sky and the twinkling was because there was a power shortage!
This one time I was lying down on the terrace at my grandparents and couldn’t figure out what that falling star was. They were just, some birds bumping into one of the strings making one of the stars to sway and fall. Ah, the poor thing!
The clouds, they were the smoke that gets out of the little airplanes that fly. It made me go like, “Oh golly, look at the size of those things!” looking at them and making recognizable shapes of people, things and animals!
The day I experienced my first hailstorm, I was thinking, may be grandma was right; God’s probably having a party up there and ice cubes are falling 😉
I’ve always had a thing for the skies and stars and since the beginning of time as I’ve known it, I’ve spent hours lying down on the cold floor of my terrace wondering if someone from the other worlds (continents) outside the earth was lying down on the terrace n wondering about the same thing as me.
Before I could finalize on the theory education somehow managed to ruin me and I was forced to believe that we lived on the surface and somehow didn’t fall off it because of some strange sticky thing called gravity.
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all about why?, randomness, shine on

in encounter with the end…

One who has walked through the tunnel of light would be able to respond to me in coherence… irony is something that still reminds me i’m alive!

Is life just the distance between the two points birth and death?
and whats that which is said, Death and beyond?
do you earn love just to teach,
how to miss when i’m gone?
how to cry, how to get devoid,
how to just, learn to kill myself
to give up the life, where you are nowhere.

sometimes i think I’m religious,
and the rest, I’m sure of being an atheist with a spiritual face.
but if god does exist, can’t he give a 3 month notice before taking life.
says one part of my wandering mind,

the other part believes, if its sure to be death,
be it uninformed, be it random but…
why not give it swifter and in moments puff you reach the light,
no more walking slowly, advancing with painful little leaps to the end of the tunnel
where the angels or the demons,
wait for you with wishes or curses…

death has always been and will be a fascinating topic to discuss upon…
but not like today,
when i see a man with his leg twisted lying under the tyre tracks,
his legs are contorted?? why?? oh yeah i know now (as i take a glance on the other side of his dead body)… his intestine or whatever they are are already out there lying under the tyres, with blood and he has a blank reaction on his face, neither pain nor the suffering of it… he is dead, even before he realized. he must have flown through the tunnel for sure..!

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shine on

Shine on Ganesh Chaturthi….




Ganesh, a God who is considered the Prime and who is almost loved by every hindu kid. It was His day yesterday and he enlightened me a bit on his daily basis..
There was a Thought on my head, I don’t know what brought it up. Was that the speech By Shri. Arun Madhavan, a spiritual teacher, singer and author ? or was it the mood of the Ganesh Chaturthi. Whatever was the reason, The finding was enough to astonish me.
In Hinduism, It is considered whatever comes from the 5 elements (earth, fire, water, sky, air) to us is being taken back by them at some point of time. That is what our ancestors have been believing for the past God knows how many decades. Thats the reason why we make our Ganesha idols out of mud, clay which is from the earth and offer it flower and perform puja and send it back to the earth from where it came from.(courtesy : Arunji)
This thought suddenly took me to the past where i remembered the words of H. W. Longfellow, The Psalm of life, ” Dust thou art, to dust returnest, Was not spoken of the soul.” Means the Genesis had actually mentioned the same, what goes around comes around. The karma of the dust, the Earth!
On the other hand, Ganesha is portrayed as being the “nirvikalp, Nirakar….”- meaning the formless and the one that is beyond atributes and wishes of the earthly life. Which is nothing but what the Islam preaches as the “One Divinity – ALLAH” (courtesy : Arunji)

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shine on

Waiting, yes waiting for him to come,
We came all the way from home
To spend a little few minutes
With the man who changed our lives
Who we owe until the end
End of not just our lives, its more.
May be the end of the world, perhaps!

Guruji, Guruji, everyone’s mind heart and soul
Echoes the same thing, their eyes fixed
On the road where the vehicles never stop
Every time a luxury car crosses
Adrenaline shoots up and until the tip of my fingers
On which lay my camera, waiting
Waiting to snap shot a moment, a proof,
I was close to him, a prestige to one’s ego!

Still waiting, my feet conflicting with my will
I’ll wait and take pictures, and won’t I?
Won’t I ever give this pain a damn?
The fight goes on and on
Thoughts gush in waves, I know they’re unwanted.
My heart wants to comment on my neighbours’ outfit
No! I shush it… There is no time to think crap.
I say, “Concentrate, concentrate, dear mind…
One second missed is a huge leap…”
“Yes” my mind replies, “I’m trying”
After all, all I need is to…. Talk?
Nope, all I need is to just see him,
Click a picture of him, a masterpiece?
No, who wants a masterpiece, that’s just for professionals,
All I have to do is catch his smile,
Or giving me a glimpse, an eye contact,
Or just a half profile face at the least.
And what do I need for that?
Luck? A bit of blessings or perhaps more blessings,
Who needs luck when you are in the premise?
The premise of divine presence.

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all about why?, shine on

dad’s girl.. part 1.

we were walking, when Dad tossed a coin at the begger on the pavement of Race course.

Since i joined DJ, i’ve not been a regular walker unlike dad who cribbs for missing a day! anyways, today was no special than any other day but just that thought that dad gives him money everyday struck me. I out of curiosity asked him, “do you give him money everyday??”. His answer was quite what i expected but the reason startled me. He said a yes in a simple nod and added, “in a few more years, you cant see people begging on the road much” he said in a melancholious tone and i wondered isn’t that something to be happy about?
Guess he noted my reaction and continued his defence or perhaps the reason as it should be adressed, “you wont get punya then cause you cant do charity, so better do it now so that you accumlate enough of virtue to take us to heaven” and he smiled as we fastened our pace.

all i could do was shrug…. but deep in me the lunatic started working again…’nice thought process’ it said in a low tone only i could hear!
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all about why?, randomness, shine on

Computers… what have they done to me??

Its Jagannathan’s class now… on technical studies… and we are watching videos “modern marvels…” This current video is on the evolution of how… a computer was born… I’m drowsy and needed a siesta… so I just curled down the handle of my plastic chair… cloaking myself behind kamal’s back…. Thoughts just glided on my mind… a slideshow of the timeline… of my life… and computers…
I remember… when I was quite young… well… like about in my 4th or 5th class…. Mom had this course organized by school on computers at CSC, a famous chain of computer tutors in Coimbatore as well as in Tamilnadu… (I never liked them :|)
well, coming back to the story, I had gone there with mom… one day…and I saw these kids of my age… from a bit more of posh family I guess, learning computers… they were drawing some lines in black on a white page with a mechanical device which they held on their hand.. It was strange… yet amusing to my young mind… I wondered what it was… and asked them and the tutor said they are learning “paint” I was like what on earth is that…?? Since then… my young mind had an interest on learning that “box full of fun”.

Once when I went to my dad’s office, a nice college of my dad spoke to me with all care n affection… he offered me a picture of my choice from his computer onto my hand… I chose a dancing peacock…And voila, a half A4 sized photograph of my favorite picture in my hand in just a matter of a few minutes. I still have that picture in my diary of chocolate wrappers and birthdates. Whenever dad used to call me there was this sound of the inkjets behind his back… I used to wonder if I was really awake…
The first time dad took me to the browsing centre with him, I was just made to sit next to him… on the extra stool provided….I used to find it so boring… but still hesitated to express him the fact… I also wanted to use a PC… even I want to search on the net…those were what ran in my head’s LCD screen…
Once… I went with him… go knows what had he felt… he had booked for two cabins in place of one… and obviously it was me in the second… and well… what more would I do.. I drew a Hill in brown with green vegetation over it in paint… for about 30-40 minutes. There was this sense of Creative ability in me…my first ever digital Art!!!
JComputers being my utter love at this age… I used to love it more than anything…I craved for it, dreamt it… and at last… Got it too…
My uncle gifted one of his used computers when I was in my 9th standard…. Only I and the friends around me during the painting workshop know how bouncy I got on that day… My father didn’t really allow me to use it much…. He feared I might spoil it… as I don’t really know how to handle it and also a slight fear of the “viruses”… This added my curiosity to use it even more…. It started a craving for using the computer… dad created my online identity for the first time now… the first yahoo of mine… which doesn’t exist anymore now…

And that being my first ever computer in life… I started learning to use the internet…went with friends to browsing centers, created new ids…. Searched a lot… did a lot…. And still doing a lot… Internets’ taught me a lot… cheated me a lot…made me into something I never thought I could be… never wanted to be… and also a lot of me which I am proud of now…
It made me a blogger…made me more productive, creative…fast paced… and yet… let me be myself… Thanks PC…I’d have been here without you… but… not this happy…!!!

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randomness, shine on

The road less taken.. :)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there,
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference !

— Robert Frost (1874–1963)

well… this was always one poem i applied onto my life…the one i learnt in my standard 10 but realized now…

Somewhere deep in me…i might still yearn to have taken the trodden path… but when it is the question of “would i have been happier that way?” yeah sure i would have… but “would i have learnt so much then… ??”, “would my life be a bit more meaningful now than before?”, “do i know myself more now.. than before?”… the bitter truth is yes… and i’m happy i am here…!!!

In my case….

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere two and a half year hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference !

I dont give a shit to people who mock at me now….cause I’m msel cause these thorns taught me to be that way.. which their tar layered roads seize from them….. 🙂

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