emotions, rambles, randomness

Musings

I’m a little torn between what I am and what I want to be. Sometimes I catch myself staring away into nothingness, dreaming about things that I’d rather be and would someday be doing (Obsessive compulsive optimism). That’s when I realize maybe; I should stop dreaming, turn around and take a step towards the vision of my happier future, where I’m happy doing what makes me happy. Then I sit and wonder what if I keep chasing one or another dream and keep running away from the present to catch hold of the one glimpse of future that I see? What if my life is nothing but a chase?

And then, in a weird way, it makes me happy. I don’t wanna settle down with what makes me happy momentarily. I wanna keep moving on. Like a flowing river. Just that, I’m not the river. I’m that something that floats on it, jumps off to roll down the rocks, into the deepest woods, gets gushed by the floods, fly with the wind and dies peacefully in the arms of a passing cloud just to get carried away into the nothingness yet again!

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emotions, rambles, randomness, Uncategorized

Riding the rainbow

Dissecting a perfect rainbow ablaze,
On a clear sky I’d otherwise found solace,
Pull it down, haul its tether,
Thread by thread, one colour from the other.

Melting pigments into my palette;
Monochromes fail to be true defiant.
For it wasn’t a bunch of hues in glut,
it was a human flesh and blood.

A knight in a shiny armour, a lore-
only she’s never seen one before.
Stabbing through with a sword adrift,
painting colours in her ashen crypt.

The red of the rainbow, fades the last.

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rambles, randomness, Uncategorized

A solitary sunrise

Though this may not be the first sunrise she has witnessed in the new city, there was something magical about this particular dawn in the making.

Everything that looked dark and dismayed in the night, look bright and welcoming. The sun rose up a few degrees only to hide and snooze into the dark clouds. It seemed like the rain drops were out to do their jobs like some disciplined chores of a factory employee.

She stood there, lit the first cigarette of the day and looked at the golden lining behind the clouds which looked more mesmerising and magical than the silver linings of the past.

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emotions, love sick, randomness, Uncategorized

Love?

Love as a fantasy, as a bed full of roses, the butterflies and the mushiness are so passé and they better be, I’m almost quarter to a century now.

I came across a quote on a random someone’s page today, “Love rescues you from reality” it read. If it was a few months ago, I would have liked it, shared it or even tagged a bunch of other love sick people I know, tossed in half a dozen hash tags and topped it all with a “True that!” status update. Somehow, things are not the same anymore, may be I’ve seen too much, known too much or whatever be the case, I was tempted to contradict. To comment on that page would have been a disaster with almost the million hate messages and advice saying, “you might be going through love failure” and some on “how to fall in true love” etc., So here I am, expressing my way of looking at love and it’s ways.

“They talk about the love that rescues you from reality. I believe in the love that walks with me hand in hand through the reality of day today life. Down the crowded lane of work stress, the loud family market place, vengeful dark alleys of burglars and wafting smell of freshly brewed coffee in the neighbourhood street. Love is not about the butterflies that tickle you in your stomach, making you forget the reality. Love is that whiff of fresh air at home and those timeless moments gazing at the butterflies that dance around the flower pots in your balcony garden.”

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all about why?, rambles, randomness

Circus under the sun

But we’re only the clowns
In this circus under the sun,
Trying to win the hearts of everyone
Yet really impressing none.

We walk around in groups
Winding words in hula hoops.
Holding hands and swaying hips,
And the truth never grazing the lips.

Spinning word webs in gossamer,
We wait for a fly, a passer.
Catch a prey we think, we might
Soaring high, never alight!

Never ask a question why you’re so true
Surveillance injecting venom through a sprue.
Purling up an invisible lens in your head,
Scoring you instantly on each deed

Words you hear, none you’d heed,
Stacking up treasuries, none you’d need.
Pushing your smiles wider than ever,
For impressing those you don’t care, never.

What is this being “good” anyway?
You catch yourself pondering in dismay.
Am I being good because I want to,
Or is it ’cause someone’s peering, ado!

What is this “good” in the first place?
And why is it always setting me ablaze.
Just not doing bad, as good will do,
Then isn’t not stopping bad, a bad too?

And when was it the last time you asked yourself this,
Would you still be good if you dint have karma’s surveillances?
With not just one answer to keep or take,
I put this up for my own good’s sake!

 

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all about why?, rambles, randomness, reality

The Volition

How did you feel when you held that weapon of destruction in your hand,
looked all around and, What did you think?
Did you just even for a moment out of curiosity consider,
Of using its vile superpower against someone or the world…
Did that thought even cross your mind that power gives you immense freedom?
The power in your hands to create or destroy
To nail it down or to compromise,
To stay there and witness or to bailout and shiver!
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all about why?, rambles, randomness, shine on

Theory of innocence

­When I was a little girl I had my own theories about the world as I knew it. One thing I was firm about, we lived on the inside of the earth as geography called it, the mantle. Someone had already told me that the earth was round so strike out the option of it being a planar surface. So, the only other conclusion was that the earth was made of concentric spheres. There was a core, the land we lived on and the blue sky with empty space between the land and the space, the universe where everything flew.
The sky was of two hemispheres – one with holes- the stars and the other with a huge round lamp that changed its colour from orange – yellow to white, widely known as the Sun. The sky rotated about an axis as my geography teacher told me but the land stayed still. If the land rotated, I’d have known right! It did move once a while and we named it earthquake! Outside the world was bright white light – whose source I didn’t really give much of a thought about.
The night side of the sky had holes of multiple sizes one big hole that had some dirt on it; I guess God hadn’t had time to clean the glass. And numerous other small holes that kept twinkling.
I also believed that the airplanes could fly through the little holes at night and go to the other countries or may be visit the God but not the birds ‘cause they were pretty huge for the size of the holes… Aliens with green skin and huge poppy eyes lived there in those other countries outside! I’ve spend so many hours wondering how small would those people in the airplanes be, were they smaller than the people on TV or the ones that hid inside my radio? I thought maybe, just maybe the sky was made of glass, tinted blue –dark and light.
Sometimes the sphere leaked or cracked causing thunderstorms. My grandmother tried convincing me that it was the Gods taking a shower or bursting firecrackers. I used to laugh at how naïve she sounded; I mean come on, how stupid is that!
The other theory was that the stars were little lights that hung from the sky and the twinkling was because there was a power shortage!
This one time I was lying down on the terrace at my grandparents and couldn’t figure out what that falling star was. They were just, some birds bumping into one of the strings making one of the stars to sway and fall. Ah, the poor thing!
The clouds, they were the smoke that gets out of the little airplanes that fly. It made me go like, “Oh golly, look at the size of those things!” looking at them and making recognizable shapes of people, things and animals!
The day I experienced my first hailstorm, I was thinking, may be grandma was right; God’s probably having a party up there and ice cubes are falling 😉
I’ve always had a thing for the skies and stars and since the beginning of time as I’ve known it, I’ve spent hours lying down on the cold floor of my terrace wondering if someone from the other worlds (continents) outside the earth was lying down on the terrace n wondering about the same thing as me.
Before I could finalize on the theory education somehow managed to ruin me and I was forced to believe that we lived on the surface and somehow didn’t fall off it because of some strange sticky thing called gravity.
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